I’m not that guy. I always get it up. I haven’t jerked off in two days, which is unusual for me. My wife is rarely in the mood—once in a blue moon, if I’m lucky. And tonight, I couldn’t get it up.

What’s happening? Is it because I haven’t used it in a while?

We spooned, and I had a semi. She looked at me and said, “It’s ok, you’re not even into it.” But that’s not true. I’m always into it. So why couldn’t I get it up?

If she pushed back and was into me, would that change things?

I think yes. I crave someone being into me sexually. And I don’t feel like I get that anymore.

Im always trying to make a move and getting shut down. Then tonight I try and my thing didn’t work. Argh.

Was it the sprinkles on my dessert tonight? Still, that shouldn’t have mattered. I’m always ready. Always keen.

I ran 8 kilometers, played tennis, had a sauna, and finished with an ice bath today. I figured I’d rub one out and call it a night. But when it mattered, I couldn’t perform.

Opportunities like this don’t come around often. Now I’m stuck beating myself up because I couldn’t make the most of it.

What the fuck is going on?