I often hit Monday and just hit a blank. I’ve got zero motivation or interest. My mind is blah. I sit and stare at my screen, moving between social media, news websites and emails mindlessly numbing myself to look busy throughout the day. I go into the weekly management meeting pretty much a mute. I…
I woke up on the sofa with a hangover. I still had a dead keen attitude to play tennis though. And so I did. I got my bro, Erkan, over and we smashed around for a power hour. It was so warm that I managed to pop my tee off and break into a solid…
She was happy. She was contributing to the family. She was acknowledging the family and time I put in. She was interacting with us all. She was being controlled with her evenings. Then bang I reply to her about saying she feels like she should only work four days a week. I say I’m so…
It was always about the teddy bear room. Whenever any of my friends came over they wanted to see it. My mum had a collection of teddy bears amassing to over a thousand cuddly bears organised as neatly as a teddy bears picnic all in one room. Her teddy bear collection is a symbol of…
Today my therapist taught me about why choosing short term pain will make me the man I aspire to be. When you face challenging situations that question your values, you are essentially given two choices; ‘away’ or ‘towards’. Your values are what you aspire to be. Do you want to run your own company? Be…
Franz told me he understands the way I am. With all his mighty wisdom he thinks I’m too soft because I grew up in an environment of people who supported me. From my mother Hedwig, my sister Yvonne, and brothers Erkan and Peter. Fuck I was so lucky to have them. Particularly with a narcissistic…
I’ve been punished by the gods. My left shoulder and its connecting tissue has been ripped raw. The injury has been ravished over and over as I continue to throw myself into physical and fun situations. About three months ago a car pulled out in front of my Vespa as I was hooning toward the…
Yes, that’s right. It’s my first post. My first journey into the public foray of journaling and keyboard bashing through incognito. My pseudonym is Manuel and my shrink is called Michelle. She’s probably not going to feature much in here but my wife highly likely will. My goal is to write a hundred words a…