Someone touches your arm. There’s literally nobody around though. You were walking casually down a side street in a small mountainside town. Then with extraordinarily delayed reactions you jump into the bushes. You scream as if you’re about to be murdered. Suddenly you notice the new station wagon hooning off down the road with a…

I was kicking and screaming, my lungs burning as if it was the end of the world. Non-stop, so many tears. I was absolutely hysterical. A red face, blocked up nose and a feeling of complete loss. I remember the wooden front door to the house. The gold plated solid metal old school keypad lock…

You and your best mates are driving 130 kilometres an hour and you’re halfway through a six hour journey to the mountains. Two of you have been drinking the whole way. The problem is, you have self imposed rules of no more pulling over to piss. There’s only one way to get it out now.…

You get smashed in the face with a spade. Now you’re called Doug. Your girlfriend dumps you. Your dog dies. Your wife finds out about the girlfriend. You accidentally eat a piece of shit, mistaking it for burnt cheese. Then you find out your mum has a grade 4 brain tumor. Today, you’ve had a…

If you can crack a peanut between your butt cheeks, you’ve earned my attention. But seriously, who in their right mind would get a BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift)? My bum has ballooned up with a hematoma, a lovely parting gift from an impromptu meeting with a metal rail while snowboarding. Now, it looks like I’ve…

Sauna, ice bath, tennis, sex shop, beers, Japanese food… and fifteen thousand dollars in cash. The randomness of my day is what makes life worth living. Experiences are what make life. If I had a choice to have pimples or not as a teenager, I would take it. If I had a choice of doing…

Some mornings I wake up and I’m keen as mustard to rub one out. I’m horny as can be. And to be honest mornings don’t have a very high success rate with the wife. So I need to make a choice. To jerk the gherkin or to not. If I do pull one off, and…

I once contemplated tattooing “give everything” on my right foot. I chose that location because it’s my front foot snowboarding. Its meaning is layered and profound for me. A perspective I inherited and admired from my mum. You should always give everything you’ve got into what you choose. Whether it’s a son, banana chocolate chip…

Picture this: One kid is screaming at the top of their lungs over spilt milk, the wife is having a go at you for forgetting to put the rubbish out and the other child is sitting there peacefully minding their own business. Just another typical family dinner. Then there are the days when it’s just…

Wapow! Sheesh… when you get into a tailspin you really whip everything in. A concept, an idea, it gets stuck in your head and then everything conspires to make that concept your perception. Your reality. I can sense it. Your reality is all good. We see things the same. But then you see something slightly…